A Ram in the Thicket
“It’s one thing to name a place The Lord Will Provide and to
believe it when the sun beats warm and life goes as planned. But it takes something sturdier, a courage
only He can give, to believe it too when the night is long and the suffering is
deep, when we can’t yet see a ram in the thicket. It is a brave thing to hope, to continue in
hope, knowing that God might say yes but He could say no and choosing to praise
Him anyway.”
Here I wait, hoping for my ram and scared to death that I
will have to sacrifice my Isaac.
Big met with the surgeon today that will do the biopsy next
Monday. This was an easy appointment… Dr
R met us, did the whole vitals, feel the lymph nodes ask a million questions
thing. He let me ask lots of questions,
even the ones I am afraid to ask, like “How likely is it that this ISN’T just a
strange virus and it is cancer? (His answer was basically that it could go
either way… and we need the biopsy to give us solid answers.) He took so much time with us, and he even
turned to Big and asked if SHE had any questions. He sent Big to radiology for a chest x-ray
(to make sure breathing will be fine under sedation next week…and to rule out
TB, which was a slight possibility. The
x ray came back clear).
God has given me so many little gifts of reassurance in the
past few days. On Friday, Big and I
raced to Comers Children’s Hospital in Chicago to try and get an appointment
that had become available… only to find out I had misunderstood and the
appointment was at a clinic in a northern suburb… and we couldn’t make it in
time… and that after all the racing and traffic and stress of Chicago
driving. But that doctor (Dr B) got us
in with THIS doctor, Dr R, first thing this morning. And Dr B called me after his shift Friday to
reassure me that waiting until today wouldn’t affect anything with the
prognosis or course of action, and that Dr R was amazing, and that appointments
with Dr R would be at Advocate Children’s Hospital in a SOUTHERN suburb, much
easier for us to get to with less traffic.
I held on to that gift of comfort God sent to this worried Momma.
And this gift: The
head nurse with Dr R called AFTER SHE GOT HOME FRIDAY to give me detailed
directions and advice on parking at the hospital. So above and beyond the call of duty. I recognized the gift.
And then this gift… I called bestie Laurel (aka Barbie
Swimming Pool Neck…see previous post) to update her on our failed Chicago visit. And she told me that Advocate is where she
did her RN training. And I KNOW she is a
great nurse. And I know if she felt we
needed to go somewhere else she wouldn’t hesitate to tell me…. And I cherished
the gift.
And the gifts continued.
I had to drive around Saturday collecting Big’s medical records. One hospital 30 minutes away had images of
the ultrasound, but another a further 20 minutes away (that we didn’t even go
to) had the rest of the reports. And it
was a Saturday so I had a limited window of time to go get them. And when I got to the place to get the
records, one of my former daycare kiddos’ momma worked there and again, I saw
the gift He was giving me in a familiar, friendly face.
And a final gift… a friend from my “camp” days reached out
and told me that Advocate Children’s Hospital is where she took her daughter
when she had a pretty major injury requiring surgery. And this friend and her husband work for a
different, well respected Chicago hospital.
And they loved Advocate and assured me we would be well cared for. And they know what they are talking about
since they work in the medical field.
And I treasured another gift.
And so now, I wait with my own Isaac on the alter. Praying for a ram in the thicket so I can
keep my Isaac. I want this to be a
virus, or bacteria or anything else easily treatable. I don’t want Big to go through pain, or
sickness induced by medication, or losing her hair as a preteen girl when other
girls can be so mean and conformity matters.
I just finished reading Katie Davis Major’s book, Daring toHope. The book will be released next week,
but I was blessed to be on the launch team.
And I know God gave me a gift in this too. There were so many quotes that resonated with
me in my here and now. And I pray that I
face this trial the same way Katie faced many of hers. With an unshakeable faith, regardless of the
ram in the thicket.
As Katie says in the closing sentences of her book, “The God
of all mercy and compassion is using our heartache to draw us closer to Himself
and transform us into His likeness. He
will turn our sorrows into joy and he will use our suffering to illuminate
gifts of grace. He will turn our
darkness to light, and He will carry us home.
“Chin up, love,” He whispers. “Hold
on to that hope. Eyes on me, dear
one. I am not done yet.”
We hold on to our hope.
There is always a ram in the thicket.
Because there is always a Lamb on the throne.”
Comments
Post a Comment