Unnamed and Unfinished

I know, there has been silence on my end of this blog for a few weeks.   I had some thoughts kind of percolating, but nothing that was really forming into a blog post.   Then tonight I was talking with a new friend about my trip tomorrow to see Jen Hatmaker and Nicole Nordeman at the “Mess and Moxie” event in Chicago, and it came together. In preparation for tomorrow’s visit I have been re-listening to my “For The Love” audiobook (by Jen Hatmaker).   In one of the chapters she talks about parenting and how the thing she wants most is for her kids is for them to grow up to be committed disciples and for them to love other well, like Jesus loves.   And I thought, “Me to!”   What I want most for Big and Little is for them to love Jesus fiercely and to mirror that Jesus love to others. Jen Hatmaker says, “This is why we live and breathe: for the love of Jesus, for the love of our own souls, for the love of our families and people, for the love of our...

I was that church girl.   The one who followed all the rules.   Crossed every “t” and dotted each and every “i.”   An if you didn’t, you were wrong.   That church girl, the one I was, was convinced that if you were part of a church that was NOT our non-denominational, independent, Stone-Campbell Christian church, you were part of the wrong church.   Sins were so obvious, and if you committed any of the “big ones” you needed to fear for your eternity (and of course, I never committed those “big ones”). That was me.   I hope it isn’t me now.   Life has had a way of dulling my sharp edges.   It has helped me see that there is far more grey in the world than I used to think existed, and all that black and white is slowly bleeding together. This does not mean that the me of today does not believe in absolute truth, as revealed in scripture.   This me believes that still, heart and soul, unwaveringly.   But this me also realizes th...

Today I am part of a club I don’t want to be in.   The club of moms and dads sitting in this surgery waiting room waiting for surgical results.   There is a mom and dad and two “big” sisters here with a toddler brother in surgery.   I wonder why.   Are they fearing a diagnosis, like me?   I am sitting next to a sweet momma whose daughter, a year older than my Big, is having her Chemo port removed this morning.   Her daughter had a cancerous brain tumor that responded positively to chemo.   She is in remission.   But her journey was difficult and unpleasant. I don’t want her story.   I don’t want my kid to have to suffer chemo.   I don’t want to develop that momma’s faith and trust in the way she had to develop her faith and trust. But, I try to wait and trust…knowing God knows what I need, and what Big needs.   He is good.   His plan for Big is Good.   Dr R. just came and talked to me.   He said the ...

Tonight is strange.   It’s kind of like the night before Christmas, full of anticipation and the feeling that I won’t be able to sleep.   The knowing that tomorrow is a day when I will wake before the sun.   But instead of waiting in anticipation for something I know will be good, I wait for answers that might be good and might be bad.   It’s a strange anticipation. And I know so many people are praying.   It gives me comfort and it makes me feel like I am not alone in this health issue with Big.   I know people are praying for her both here and abroad.   A friend called today and left me a message letting me know the church he visited this morning had Big on their prayer list, and they prayed for her.   A friend of the family from my childhood days let me know on social media that the East Coast is praying for Big.   I am not alone.   God’s family has us blanketed in prayer. But that makes me examine my theology of prayer. ...