Unnamed and Unfinished

               I was fortunate to attend the “Moxie Matters” tour with Jen Hatmaker and NicoleNordeman last week.   Not only that, I had meet and greet tickets.   MEET.   AND.   GREET!   I was in a state of pure bliss.   If you don’t know Jen and Nicole (I like to think we are on a first name basis now, because…. You know…. Meet and greet) then feel free to refer to some of my other posts or continue reading.   Jen is an amazing author and blogger.   And her Facebook page gives me life.   She is hilariously funny, but also so deep, raw and honest.   And Nicole is a singer/songwriter.   These are my favorite type of musician because their songs are typically so deep, raw and honest.   Are you detecting a theme??                I have tons of thoughts and fodder for future posts, but this particular item is bursting to get out of my head and into some real words.   We all need some genuine relationships with people who are with us no matter what.   Jen calls them her tribe.  

I know, there has been silence on my end of this blog for a few weeks.   I had some thoughts kind of percolating, but nothing that was really forming into a blog post.   Then tonight I was talking with a new friend about my trip tomorrow to see Jen Hatmaker and Nicole Nordeman at the “Mess and Moxie” event in Chicago, and it came together. In preparation for tomorrow’s visit I have been re-listening to my “For The Love” audiobook (by Jen Hatmaker).   In one of the chapters she talks about parenting and how the thing she wants most is for her kids is for them to grow up to be committed disciples and for them to love other well, like Jesus loves.   And I thought, “Me to!”   What I want most for Big and Little is for them to love Jesus fiercely and to mirror that Jesus love to others. Jen Hatmaker says, “This is why we live and breathe: for the love of Jesus, for the love of our own souls, for the love of our families and people, for the love of our neighbors and this worl

I was that church girl.   The one who followed all the rules.   Crossed every “t” and dotted each and every “i.”   An if you didn’t, you were wrong.   That church girl, the one I was, was convinced that if you were part of a church that was NOT our non-denominational, independent, Stone-Campbell Christian church, you were part of the wrong church.   Sins were so obvious, and if you committed any of the “big ones” you needed to fear for your eternity (and of course, I never committed those “big ones”). That was me.   I hope it isn’t me now.   Life has had a way of dulling my sharp edges.   It has helped me see that there is far more grey in the world than I used to think existed, and all that black and white is slowly bleeding together. This does not mean that the me of today does not believe in absolute truth, as revealed in scripture.   This me believes that still, heart and soul, unwaveringly.   But this me also realizes that I do not corner the market on salvation.   Or

Something beautiful happened for me last night.   A couple of individual I don’t actually know, but that know my parents, blessed my family with a gift.   These people have been following our journey with Big over the past few weeks and wanted to show us their love and concern. One person, a momma of her own little, is an independent consultant for some pampering products.   She sent a bag full of samples of soaps and scrubs, lotions and bath soaks with my mom and dad for Big, Little and I to use.   I have never met this sweet sister in Christ, but she cared for me in a real way.   She took what she had and used it to bless me.   She allowed herself to be the Church. Another couple, again one that I don’t even know, sent cash with my parents for us.   They knew that even with insurance there is travel and meals on the road and medicines and copays and that for many, that becomes a struggle.   This gift touched me more than I can express.   I had to travel for work last weeken

I don’t want to keep you in suspense, so here is the short answer:   It’s not cancer!   I was leaving one of the childcare providers I visit for work and saw the phone number from Big’s surgeon, Dr. R, on the phone.   I immediately pulled off and answered.     Dr. R: Hello Mom, How’s your day? Me: I think whatever you tell me will determine that! Dr. R: Then you are having a GREAT DAY! We got Big’s pathology report back and she doesn’t have cancer.   She has Kikuchi Fujimoto disease.   Do you have a pen and paper, because I know you need me to spell that.   After he spelled it, I of course asked what it was.   Dr. R admitted its really rare and he doesn’t know much about it.   He told me what he knows:   Its benign.   Its usually treated with anti-inflammatory meds and sometimes steroids.   It is caused by lots of dead cells building up in the lymph nodes.   Its usually in Asian women.   Its often mistaken for Lymphoma.   Biopsy is the only way to diagnose Kik

  Don’t listen to the song Slow Down by Nicole Nordeman on the way home from your Big’s biopsy… or after any major medical procedure on any of your children… or after any major kid milestone… or maybe if you have kids at all.   If you choose to listen, please know you will probably UGLY CRY.   ON THE INTERSTATE.   WITH BIG.   I just bought the Nicole Nordeman CD, Every Mile Mattered , last week because Jen Hatmaker was talking about it, with Nicole, on her podcast.   I love Jen Hatmaker.   I love the little I know of Nicole Nordeman, and I loved hearing her on the podcast.   So I bought the CD.   I hadn’t listened to it all the way through, yet.     Guys, I am not kidding you.   The song that started after I got Big in the car after she was released from surgery was Slow Down .   Big and I were on our way to lunch. And I started to cry.   The CD has the version where Nicole sings with her daughter, Pepper.   I was just slightly teary listening to the two of them sing u